people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
