i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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