I didn't shave. On purpose
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Randomize
