I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
