I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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