but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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