Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
