sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
