Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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