haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
