people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
