people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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