Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
