It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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