My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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