I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
