Only a mothe r could love this liver
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
