it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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