these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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