Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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