well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
