I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
