I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
