i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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