apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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