Your dad touched me again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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