my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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