Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ttyl tear gas
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
