she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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