OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im six kinds of drunk right now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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