This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
