I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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