My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
