Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
