you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this boner is exhausting
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
