she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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