my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
