Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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