she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
