Welp...herpes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
