so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
