the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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