If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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