I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You may now shotgun with the bride
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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