I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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