I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
