we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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