Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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