i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
