when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
